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What is the definition??
Compassion
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Compassion (in
Pali:
Karuna) is
a sense of shared
suffering,
most often combined with a
desire to
alleviate or reduce such suffering; to show special kindness to those who
suffer. Thus compassion is essentially
empathy,
though with a more active slant in that the compassionate person will seek
to actually aid those they feel compassionate for.
Compassionate acts are generally considered those which take into account
the suffering of others and attempt to alleviate that suffering as if it
were one's own. In this sense, the various forms of the
Golden Rule are clearly based on the concept of compassion.
Compassion differs from other forms of helpful or humane behavior in that
its focus is primarily on the alleviation of suffering. Acts of
kindness
which seek primarily to confer benefit rather than relieve existing
suffering are better classified as acts of
altruism,
although, in this sense, compassion itself can be seen as a subset of
altruism, it being defined as the type of behavior which seeks to benefit
others by reducing their suffering.
In the words of
Dalai
Lama: "Compassion makes one see the picture clearly; when emotions
overtake us, the lack of seeing clearly clouds our perception of reality and
hence the cause of many misunderstandings leading to quarrels (even wars)."
[citation needed]
Awakening Compassion
Basis
"At the core is compassion and emptiness." This key phrase from
the Tibetan mahayana tradition says that compassion is as fundamental to our
being as the indefinability of being itself and that the open, fluid, and
inexpressible quality of being is itself compassion. We could paraphrase the
Heart Sutra to read:
Compassion is emptiness, emptiness is compassion; other than emptiness there
is no compassion, other than compassion there is no emptiness.
In the Kagyu and Nyingma traditions, we find the fundamental
relationship of compassion and our own mind explained in terms of essence,
nature, and expression: mind is empty, this emptiness is brilliant clarity, and
the clarity/emptiness expresses itself as compassion.
Method
However most of us are painfully reminded on a daily basis how
limited our actual expression of compassion is. The confusion of limited
awareness, dualistic thinking, emotional turbulence and conditioned behavior
prevents our fundamental awareness from expressing itself. We have no choice but
to work hard to penetrate these layers of confusion.
Among the many Buddhist approaches to compassion, one method
stands out as special: taking and sending. Originating in Buddhist India it came
to Tibet via Indonesia in the eleventh century. Preserved and practiced there
for almost a thousand years, it came to America in the early 1970s and has since
spread from the Tibetan tradition into the work of other teachers such as Joanna
Macy, Jack Kornfield, and in the writings of Ken Wilber and others. Books in
English which describe the practice are
The Great Path of
Awakening (Shambhala),
Advice from a Spiritual
Friend (Wisdom) and
The Wisdom of No Escape
(Shambhala).
The principle is as simple as it is counter-intuitive: take the
pain of others and give our own happiness in exchange. Suicide?! Ironically, it
cuts through, wears away, and undermines the four levels of confusion mentioned
above. Conditioned behavior and perceptions are radically altered through an
appreciation of what we have and what we can give to others. Emotional
turbulence is reduced as we find ourselves capable of being present
non-reactively with pain and unpleasantness. Dualistic thinking is derailed and
we find ourselves simply present with others. And, strangest of all, we find our
understanding of mind becoming clearer and clearer.
As the great nineteenth century Tibetan master Jamgon Kongtrul
says in words which are strikingly relevant for our own times:
While the methods found in other teachings may not be effective in
disturbing times, for the practitioner of this form of mind-training the
practice grows in power as adverse conditions increase, just as the flames
of a fire become stronger and stronger as more and more wood is piled on.
As taking and sending takes hold within us, we find ourselves
deeply committed to waking up completely in order to help others, a commitment
which is formalized in the Bodhisattva Vow, the vow of an awakening being. This
vow, to use a traditional phrase, is wonderful in the beginning, in the middle
and in the end: in the beginning because such a positive attitude is a
tremendous impetus in our practice; in the middle, because the effect of the vow
is to show us how to cut deeper and deeper into conditioned and confused mental
patterns; and in the end, because we become an instrument of reality and help
others by being simply what we are.
Effect
As compassion deepens, we find ourselves developing a nobility
of the heart. Increasingly, and often to our surprise, we respond to difficult
situations with calmness, clarity and directness. A quiet fearlessness or
confidence is present as we no longer fear that we will compromise our own
integrity. We find, too, a joy, a joy which arises from the knowledge that our
every act is meaningful and helpful to the world.
The Practice of Tonglen
by Pema Chodron
Each of us has a "soft spot":
the place in our experience where we feel vulnerable and tender. This soft spot
is inherent in appreciation and love, and it is equally inherent in pain. Often,
when we feel that soft spot, it's quickly followed by a feeling of fear and an
involuntary, habitual tendency to close down. This is the tendency of all living
things: to avoid pain and cling to pleasure. In practice, however, covering up
the soft spot means shutting down against out life experience. Then we tend to
narrow down into a solid feeling of self against other. One very powerful and
effective way to work with tendency to push away pain and hold onto pleasure is
the practice of tonglen. Tonglen is a Tibetan word that literally
means "sending and taking." The practice originated in India and came to Tibet
in the eleventh century.
In Tonglen practice, when
we see or feel suffering, we breathe in with the notion of completely feeling
it, accepting it, and owning it. Then we breathe out, radiating compassion,
lovingkindness, freshness; anything that encourages relaxation and openness.
In this practice, it's not
uncommon to find yourself blocked, because you come face to face with your own
fear, resistance, or whatever your personal stuckness happens to be at that
moment. At that point, you can change the focus and do tonglen for yourself ,
and for millions of others just like you, at that very moment, who are feeling
exactly the same misery. I particularly like to encourage tonglen, on the spot.
For example, you're walking down the street and you see the pain of another
human being. On-the-spot tonglen means that you just don't rush by; you actually
breathe in with the wish that this person can be free of suffering, and send
them out some kind of good heart or well-being. If seeing that other person's
pain
brings up fear or anger or
confusion, which often happens, just start doing tonglen for yourself and all
the other people who are stuck in the very same way. When you do tonglen on the
spot, you simply breathe in and breathe out, taking in pain and
sending out spaciousness and
relief.
When you tonglen as a
formal practice, it has four stages:
1) First,rest your mind
briefly in a state of openness or stillness.
2) Second, work with
texture. Breathe in a feeling of hot, dark, and heavy, and breathe out a feeling
of cool, bright, and light. Breathe in and radiate completely, through all the
pores of your body, until it feels synchronized with your in-and out-breathe.
3) Third, work with any
painful personal situation that is real to you. Traditionally, you begin by
doing tonglen for someone you care about. However, if your stuck, do the
practice for your pain and simultaneously for all those just like you who feel
that kind of suffering.
4) Finally, make the taking
in and the sending out larger. Whether your doing tonglen for someone you love
or for someone you see on television, do it for all the others in the same boat.
You could even do tonglen for people you consider your enemies--those who have
hurt you or others. Do tonglen for them, thinking of them as having the same
confusion and stuckness as your find or yourself.
This is to say that tonglen
can extend indefinitely. As you do the practice, gradually, over time, your
compassion naturally expands-- and so does your realization that things are not
as solid as you thought. As you do this practice, at your own pace, you'll be
surprised to find yourself more and more able to be there for others, even in
what seemed like impossible situations.
ANGER AND AVERSION
http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/
"It is natural
for the immature to harm others.
Getting angry with them is like resenting a fire for burning."
Shantideva
A BAG OF NAILS
Once upon a
time there was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of
nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he should hammer a nail
in the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. But
gradually, the number of daily nails dwindled down. He discovered it was easier
to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He
proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull
out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed
and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were
gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will
never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like
this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many
times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."
DEFINITIONS
The definition
of Aversion is: Exaggerated wanting to be separated from someone or
something. (Exact opposite of
Attachment.) Because the label of "unpleasant" is very relative and
based upon limited information, aversion includes an aspect of exaggeration or
"projection".
The definition of Anger is: Being unable to bear the object, or the
intention to cause harm to the object. Anger is defined as aversion with
stronger exaggeration.
A BIT OF BUDDHIST PSYCHOLOGY
The basic
problem according to Buddhism, is that emotions like anger and hatred are based
on projections and exaggeration, not on objectivity or wisdom, and thus
basically incorrect.
There is little need to explain what anger and hatred do to ourselves by means
of the laws of karma; the misery we cause others will come back at
ourselves. Nobody wants suffering, so next is a summary of methods which can not
only reduce but even eliminate anger and hatred from our minds.
It must be emphasise that to completely eliminate these negative emotions from
our mind is a lengthy psychological process, requiring study, mindfulness,
reflection and honest observation of one's own mind. To begin with, meditation
is an ideal method to review a situation in which one became angry (see the page
on
meditation). This has the advantage that one is not exposed to the
actual situation, but one can review it much more objectively. When regular
meditation gives some insight into what anger is and what happens to oneself
when feeling angry, then one can gradually try to apply it in real-life
situations, preferably of course before one is already under complete control of
anger. It is a slow process, but the change in your life and the ones around you
can profoundly change for the better.
Is anger or
hatred ever justified? A direct answer from Allan Wallace in 'Tibetan Buddhism
from the Ground up':
|
"'Righteous hatred' is in the same category as 'righteous cancer'or
'righteous tuberculosis'. All of them are absurd concepts." |
This does not
mean that one should never take action against aggression or injustice! Instead,
one should try to develop an inner calmness and insight to deal with these
situations in an appropriate way. We all know that anger and aggression give
rise to anger and aggression. One could say that there are three ways to get rid
of anger: kill the opponent, kill yourself or kill the anger - which one makes
most sense to you?
|
"Some
people feel patience is showing weakness or pessimism.
But, actually, patience shows the strength and clarity of mind, which
are based on wisdom and compassion.
Without proper wisdom and compassion, one cannot practice patience."
Khenpo Konchog Gyaltsen Rinpoche |
But of course
not only Buddhism recognises the shortcomings of anger, in the Bible for example
in Psalm 37, 14-16 it reads:
"The angry
ones draw their swords, the angry ones aim their bows
To put down the poor and the weakened and to kill those who walk on the path of
righteousness.
But their sword hits their own heart, their bows will be broken.
With his poverty, the righteous one is richer than all the angry ones in their
abundance."
"Holding on
to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone
else; you are the one who gets burned."
The Buddha
"If
subconscious anger had a parallel in Buddhist writings, it would have to do with
what is called mental unhappiness or dissatisfaction. This is regarded as the
source of anger and hostility. We can see subconscious anger in terms of a lack
of awarness, as well as an active misconstruing of reality."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama
"If there are
sound reasons or bases for the points you demand, then there is no need to use
violence. On the other hand, when there is no sound reason that concessions
should be made to you but mainly your own desire, then reason cannot work and
you have to rely on force. Thus, using force is not a sign of strength but
rather a sign of weakness. Even in daily human contact, if we talk seriously,
using reasons, there is no need to feel anger. We can argue the points. When we
fail to prove with reason, then anger comes. When reason ends, then anger
begins. Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from 'The Dalai Lama,
A Policy of Kindness: An Anthology of Writings by and About the Dalai
Lama', Snow Lion Publications.
FORGIVING
Please take a
moment to take in the following message:
What
forgiveness is
"Forgiveness
is a form of realism. It doesn't deny, minimize, or justify what others have
done to us or the pain that we have suffered. It encourages us to look squarely
at those old wounds and see them for what they are. And it allows us to see how
much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not
forgiving.
Forgiveness is an internal process. It can't be forced, and it doesn't come
easy. It brings with it great feelings of wellness and freedom. But we
experience this only when we want to heal and when we are willing to work for
it.
Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves
by our past injuries and injustices. We are no longer victims. We claim the
right to stop hurting when we say, "I'm tired of the pain, and I want to be
healed." At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility-although it may take
time and much hard work before we finally achieve it.
Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It doesn't erase what happened, but it
does allow us to lessen and perhaps even eliminate the pain of the past. The
pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no
longer determines our future.
It also means that we no longer need resentment and anger as an excuse for our
shortcomings. We don't need them as a weapon to punish others nor as a shield to
protect ourselves by keeping others away. And most importantly, we don't need
these feelings to identify who we are. We become more than merely victims of our
past.
Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is
understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far
more than it hurts them. It is seeing how we hide ourselves in our anger and how
those feelings prevent us from healing. It is discovering the inner peace that
becomes ours when we let go of the past and forget vengeance.
Forgiveness is moving on. It is recognizing all that we have lost because of our
refusal to forgive. It is realizing that the energy that we spend hanging on to
the past is better spent on improving our present and our future. It is letting
go of the past so that we can move on.
We all have been hurt. And at one time or another most of us have made the
mistake of trying to run away from the past. The problem is that no matter how
fast or how far we run, the past always catches up to us-and usually at the most
inopportune time. When we forgive, we are dealing with the past in such a way
that we no longer have to run.
For me, learning how to forgive wasn't easy. But I did learn, and my life is
better for it - even here on death row."
Michael B.
Ross
Death Row
Somers, Connecticut
To be angry
is to let others' mistakes punish yourself.
To forgive others is to be good to yourself.
Master ChengYen
HEALING HATRED
By His Holiness the Dalai Lama
"The
destructive effects of hatred are very visible, very obvious and immediate. For
example, when a strong or forceful thought of hatred arises, at that very
instant it overwhelms one totally and destroys one's peace and presence of mind.
When that hateful thought is harboured inside, it makes one feel tense and
uptight, and can cause loss of appetite, leading to loss of sleep, and so forth.
If we examine how anger or hateful thoughts arise in us, we will find that,
generally speaking, they arise when we feel hurt, when we feel that we have been
unfairly treated by someone against our expectations. If in that instant we
examine carefully the way anger arises, there is a sense that it comes as a
protector, comes as a friend that would help our battle or in taking revenge
against the person who has inflicted harm on us. So the anger or hateful thought
that arises appears to come as a shield or a protector. But in reality that is
an illusion. It is a very delusory state of mind.
Chandrakirti states in Entry into the Middle Way that there might be some
justification for responding to force with force if revenge would help one in
any way, or prevent or reduce the harm which has already been inflicted. But
that is not the case because if the harm, the physics. injury or whatever, has
been inflicted, it has already taken place. So taking revenge will not in any
way reduce or prevent that harm or injury because it has already happened.
On the contrary, if one reacts to a situation in a negative way instead of in a
tolerant way, not only is there no immediate benefit, but also a negative
attitude and feeling is created which is the seed of one's future downfall. From
the Buddhist point of view, the consequence of taking revenge has to be faced by
the individual alone in his or he future life. So not only is there no immediate
benefit, it is harmful in the long run for the individual.
However, if one has been treated very unfairly and if the situation is left
unaddressed, it may have extremely negative consequences for the perpetrator of
the crime. Such a situation calls for a strong counteraction. Under such
circumstances, it is possible that one can, out of compassion for the
perpetrator of the crime and without generating anger or hatred, actually take a
strong stand and take strong countermeasures. In fact, one of the precepts of
the Bodhisattva vows is to take strong countermeasures when the situation calls
for it. If a Bodhisattva doesn't take strong countermeasures when the situation
requires, then that constitutes an infraction of one of the vows.
In addition, as the Entry into the Middle Way points out, not only does the
generation of hateful thoughts lead to undesirable forms of existence in future
lives, but also, at the moment that strong feelings of anger arise, no matter
how hard one tries to adopt a dignified pose, one's face looks rather ugly.
There is an unpleasant expression, and the vibration that the person sends is
very hostile. People can sense it, and it is almost as if one can feel steam
coming out of that person's body. Indeed not only are human beings capable of
sensing it, but pets and other animals also try to avoid that person at that
instant.
If we examine how anger or hateful thoughts arise in us, we will find that,
generally speaking, they arise when we feel hurt, when we feel that we have been
unfairly treated by someone against our expectations.
These are the immediate consequences of hatred. It brings about a very ugly,
unpleasant physical transformation of the individual. In addition, when such
intense anger and hatred arise, it makes the best part of our brain, which is
the ability to judge between right and wrong and assess long-term and short-term
consequences, become totally inoperable. It can no longer function. It is almost
as if the person had become crazy. These are the negative effects of generating
anger and hatred. When we think about these negative and destructive effects of
anger and hatred, we realise that it is necessary to distance ourselves from
such emotional explosions. Insofar as the destructive effects of anger and
hateful thoughts are concerned, one cannot get protection from wealth; even if
one is a millionaire, one is subject to these destructive effects of anger and
hatred. Nor can education guarantee that one will be protected from these
effects. Similarly, the law cannot guarantee protection. Even nuclear weapons,
no matter how sophisticated the defence system may be, cannot give one
protection or defend one from these effects. The only factor that can give
refuge or protection from the destructive effects of anger and hatred is the
practice of tolerance and patience."
The Dalai
Lama from
Healing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective:
Question: Where does hatred come from?
Answer: That is a question which requires
long hours of discussion. From the Buddhist viewpoint, the simple answer is that
it is beginningless. As a further explanation, Buddhists believe that there are
many different levels of consciousness. The most subtle consciousness is what we
consider the basis of the previous life, this life, and future lives. This
subtle consciousness is a transient phenomenon which comes about as a
consequence of causes and conditions. Buddhists have concluded that
consciousness itself cannot be produced by matter. Therefore, the only
alternative is to accept the continuation of consciousness. So that is the basis
of the theory of rebirth.
Where there
is consciousness, ignorance and hatred also arise naturally. These negative
emotions, as well as the positive emotions, occur right from beginningless time.
All these are a part of our mind. However, these negative emotions actually are
based on ignorance, which has no valid foundation. None of the negative
emotions, no matter how powerful, have a solid foundation. On the other hand,
the positive emotions, such as compassion or wisdom, have a solid basis: there
is a kind of grounding and rootedness in reason and understanding, which is not
the case with afflictive emotions like anger and hatred.
The basic
nature of the subtle consciousness itself is something neutral. So it is
possible to purify or eliminate all of these negative emotions. That basic
nature we call Buddha-nature. Hatred and negative emotions are beginningless;
they have no beginning, but there is an end. Consciousness itself has no
beginning and no end; of this we are certain.
HOW TO TAKE INSULT
From:
TheDailyEnlightenment.com Weekly 21/04/05:
On one occasion, the Buddha was invited by the Brahmin
Bharadvaja for alms to his house. As invited, the Buddha visited the house of
the Brahmin. Instead of entertaining Him, the Brahmin poured forth a torrent of
abuse with the filthiest of words. The Buddha politely inquired:
"Do visitors
come to your house, good Brahmin?"
"Yes," he replied.
"What do yu do when they come?"
"Oh, we prepare a sumptuous feast."
"What do you if they refuse to receive the meal?"
"Why, we gladly partake of them ourselves."
"Well, good Brahmin, you have invited me for alms and entertained me with abuse
which I decline to accept. So now it belongs to you."
From the Akkosa Sutta
The Buddha did
not retaliate but politely gave back what the Brahmin had given Him. Retaliate
not, the Buddha advised. "Hatred does not cease through hatred but through love
alone they cease."
PATIENCE - THE MAIN ANTIDOTE
Patience is the
main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100... During this
time, any of the below methods can be effective. The most effective method will
depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush and intense
change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to
think impatience can easily give rise to a general feeling of anger.
Patience is
like a beautiful ornament. When you become a person with great patience, it
brings a certain element of charm to your life. You are loved by others, and you
give no problems to your friends. You bring an element of joy, happiness, and
calmness to other people's lives - your friends, your family, and the community.
You do not have to ask to be accepted; everyone longs for your presence.
Everyone looks up to you and respects you, not because you have worked for that
or expected it, not because you were competing for their favor, but simply
because of the nature of patience. You are respected and trusted, and you
acquire dignity with the practice of patience. When you are honored, it is with
sincerity, and it is something you can live up to.
...Just
hearing about patience does not mean you are experiencing it now or will easily
develop it. To lay the ground for training the mind, you must first tame the
mind. To tame the mind, it is extremely important to do the basic shamata
[tranquility meditation, calm abiding] practice, which develops calmness and
tranquility. Then you can add the practice of patience, understanding the
benefits of patience and reminding yourself to take advantage of the available
antidotes.
From
Dharma Paths by Ven. Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche
HANDLING
ANGER - APPLYING ANTIDOTES
Below is a
summary of various approaches to anger. They obviously will be most efficient
when used with a calm and concentrated mind, either during meditation or at the
moment you realize that something needs to be done about your anger. Obviously,
the problem during an actual difficult situation is to have a calm and
concentrated mind - a regular meditation practice can be of great help then! One
of the best ways to really make progress with understanding and changing the
functioning of our own mind is to try out analytical meditation, combined with
these clues, see also
Meditation on Anger.
ANTIDOTE 1 - Patience.
Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count
to 100... During this time, any of the below methods can be effective. The most
effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of
rush and intense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but
take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to a general feeling of
anger.
ANTIDOTE 2 - Realisation of the Noble Truth of Suffering.
Once one understands that problems and frustration is a basic fact of
life, it can reduce our impatience with our own unrealistic expectations. In
other words: nothing is perfect, so don't expect it.
Because of my belief that things are or can be perfect, it is easy to feel hurt.
ANTIDOTE 3 - Understanding Karma.
As explained in the page on
Karma, the real reasons for our problems are our own actions, which
are in turn caused by our own negative states of mind. If someone makes us
angry, it has a sobering effect if we dare to think that the real reasons for
this situation are our own past actions, and the person is just a circumstance
for our own karma to ripen.
ANTIDOTE 4 - Changing or Accepting.
Basically, we can find ourselves in two types of unpleasant situations:
ones we can change and ones we cannot change.
- If I can change the situation, I should do something about it instead of
getting all worked-up and angry. Not acting in such a situation will cause
frustration in the end.
- If I cannot change the situation, I will have to accept it. If I don't, it
will only lead to frustration and a negative and unpleasant state of mind, which
will make the situation only worse.
For some reasons unclear to me, Westerners (including myself) appear to have big
problems with accepting unpleasant situations which we cannot change. Could this
be a result of impatience (a form of anger) with imperfection (an unrealistic
expectation)?
Do consider the wisdom in the following remarks (from an online discussion -
forgot the writer.):
"How does
this effect my Buddhist practice?
It doesn't.
These reported events are like an arrow shot at my heart but it lands at my
feet.
I choose not to bend over, pick it up, and stab myself with it."
ANTIDOTE 5 - Realistic Analysis.
For example: someone accuses me of something.
- If it is true, I apparently made a mistake, so I should listen and learn.
- If it is untrue, the other person makes a mistake. So what? Nobody is perfect.
I also make mistakes, and it is all too easy to label the other as "enemy", in
which case a helpful discussion or forgiving becomes difficult.
It may also be worthwhile searching for the real underlying reason of the
problem. Of special importance is to evaluate one's own role in the situation:
my own fears, insecurity, being very unfriendly, or not being blameless (like
leaving home much too late for an appointment and blaming the 5 minutes delay of
the train).
ANTIDOTE - Realisation of Emptiness.
See the page on
Wisdom. To summarise it briefly, if one deeply realises the emptiness
of inherent existence or interdependence of the other person, the situation and
oneself, there is nothing to be angry about. The realisation of emptiness is
therefore the ultimate means of ridding oneself of unrealistic negative emotions
like anger.
ANTIDOTE 7 - Equanimity.
Equanimity means that one realises the basic equality of all sentient
beings; others want happiness, just like I do. Others make mistakes just like I
do. Others are confused, angry, attached just like I often am. Is the other
person happy in this situation, or just struggling like I am?
ANTIDOTE 8 - Openness
Be prepared to be open for the motivation of others to do what causes you
problems. Talking it over and being prepared to listen can suddenly make a
problem acceptable.
Did you ever notice the difference when a plane or train has much delay and
nobody gives any reasons for it? People very quickly become irritated and
hostile. Then when the driver or pilot explains there is a technical defect or
an accident, suddenly waiting becomes easier.
ANTIDOTE 9 - Relativity.
Ask yourself if this situation is actually important enough to spoil your
own and other people's mood. Is this problem worth getting upset in a life where
death can hit me at any moment?
ANTIDOTE 10 - Change Your Motivation.
In case a situation is really unacceptable, and another person needs to
convinced that something is to be done or changed, there is no need to become
upset and angry. It is likely much more efficient if you show of understanding
and try to make the other understand the need for change. If one needs to appear
angry for some reason to convince the other person of the seriousness of the
situation, one can think like a parent acting wrathful to prevent the child from
harming itself.
In general, to be really effective one needs to reflect on quite a number of
aspects in one's own mind like; forgiveness, peace of mind, fears,
self-acceptance (no acceptance of others is really possible without
self-acceptance), habits, prejudices etc. A list of aspects to start with is
given in the page about the
mind, under the 26 non-virtuous mental factors.
ANTIDOTE 11 - Watch Your Hands.
An interesting suggestion from Jon Kabat-Zinn, from 'Wherever You Go,
There You Are':
"All our hand
postures are mudras in that they are associated with subtle or not-so-subtle
energies. Take the energy of the fist, for instance. When we get angry, our
hands tend to close into fists. Some people unknowingly practice this mudra a
lot in their lives. It waters the seeds of anger and violence within you ever
time you do it, and they respond by sprouting and growing stronger.
The next time you find yourself making fists out of anger, try to bring
mindfulness to the inner attitude embodied in a fist. Feel the tension, the
hatred, the anger, the aggression, and the fear which it contains. Then, in the
midst of your anger, as an experiment, if the person you are angry at is
present, try opening your fists and placing the palms together over your heart
in the prayer position right in front of him. (Of course, he won't have the
slightest idea what you are doing.) Notice what happens to the anger and hurt as
you hold this position for even a few moments."
ANTIDOTE 12 - Meditation.
Last, but certainly not least, meditation can be the ultimate cure to
completely eliminating anger from your mind. In the beginning, one can do
analytical meditations (like
this meditation on anger), but also meditation on
compassion,
love and forgiving reduce anger as well. Ultimately, the realization
of
emptiness eradicates all delusions like anger.
Links:
Click for a sample meditation on anger; for more meditations, see the
List of Sample Meditations.
A couple of nice traditional stories on anger can be found at this
hundredmountain site.
Just
for fun:
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Will Rogers
Grant me the
stubbornness to change what I can, the laziness to accept what I cannot, and
enough beer to sit around and endlessly discuss the difference between the two.
Dick Dunn
Did you ever
notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
Steve Bluestone
Anytime you
point the finger of blame someone, remember that there are 4 fingers pointing
back at you.
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